Hey Aakash! I really enjoyed your storybook. I liked how it was formatted. For instance I liked how the background was black and dark. It made the first picture on your storybook really standout because it was colorful so it contrasted with the background very well. It made the picture in the introduction stand out as well. The style of your writing was very concise. It was not too wordy or anything, which I really appreciate because sometimes when stories or any form of writing is too wordy it can lose the reader’s interest. The breaks for your paragraphs made sense. The transitions between each paragraph helped to the make the story flow very smoothly. I did not notice any grammar or punctuation errors or anything. Your introduction was very informative. I felt like I have an idea of what your storybook is going to be about. Good job! I look forward to reading more from you story book!
This will be a storybook that I bookmark. I was wondering about what it would look like from Ravana's point of view while reading. I really love what your decision was on that writing about the turning points. The layout of your storybook is also clean and easy to read. A suggestion I would make would be revisiting the beginning. It took me a bit to understand what the setting was of the narrator and story. Once, I had a grasp for that though I was hooked in wanting to see another side of the story. The stories and backgrounds of the rakshasas is an interesting one. I'd love to see you go deeper to into some of the demons closely related to Ravana! This will be fun and interesting too to see what exactly you see as turning points of his life. Also, how you use stories to tie this all together.
My first impression of your page is neat. The dark theme makes me relax, and your page layout is the original one. It is good enough for a reader. The two pictures are both Ravana’s portray; I think you could use a picture of Lanka City instead. Your font choice is great, but your font size is a little small for me to read. I am not sure if everyone has the same feeling. You could try the 12 pt. font size instead. Your title is also nice because everybody knows Ravana but not everybody knows his detailed story. In the PDE Ramayana I read, I did not get very rich information about Ravana. As a result, I could learn more about him. To my knowledge, Ravana is not necessarily a bad guy. He did not do anything bad other than kidnapping Sita, and his country is rich and happy under his rules.
I will definitely come back for more. I somehow like Ravana’s characteristics.
Hi Aakash! Your storybook page has a vibe that goes well with the overall theme of your story. I'm sure as the semester progresses and you add to it, it will end up being great! Your introduction was intriguing, to say the least. It is true in the Ramayana, we really didn't get much of a background other than the fact that Ravana had a sister and he ruled over his city, and had several wives. Also, of course what we already all know, which is he is Rama's greatest rival, for he stole his beloved. Making Ravana's grandfather a storyteller, and him diving into Ravana's past from his point of view could prove to be interesting. Almost like Maleficent. From the original Disney move Sleeping Beauty we saw a sort of, biased, if you will look at the film's main antagonist/villain, and from another point of view we could almost sympathize with her once the story was told from her side. I will be bookmarking your page and keep checking for updates. Most definitely interesting in the rest of your project! Good luck!
Hi Aakash! So far, it seems like you are going to have a really solid storybook. Your introduction was clear and concise. You did a good job with getting my attention at the beginning. I love descriptive writing like yours because it makes it easy to picture in your head exactly what's going on, which is what I love about reading. I like the color scheme you are going with. The black background will make your pictures stand out, and will go with your sort of dramatic theme. Good work so far! This makes me wish I would have taken the time to sit down and figure out a storybook rather than just a portfolio. I look forward to reading your stories throughout the rest of the semester!
Good afternoon Aakash! I'm commenting on your storybook introduction as my free choice. I decided to look into your story book because I'm always curious to hear the evil villain's perspective. The way you formatted your introduction was spectacular. It was clear and concise. I like how you made Ravana's grandfather write a biography on Ravana's life. He seems really melancholic about the path Ravana took. Does he blame himself for the lack of guidance? I don't think it was his fault. Also, I wasn't aware that Rama cut off Surpanakha's nose! That makes me like Rama even less... The way you portray Ravana makes me question whether Ravana was actually the villain. According to your introduction, there were some turning points in Ravana's life that corrupted him to be a power-hungry leader. I wonder what experiences Ravana went through to become so lost. I'm really interested to read more about Ravana and his grandfather. Keep up the good work!
Hey Aakash! I really enjoyed your story! It was really entertaining and interesting. Before I get into more detail of your story. I would like to compliment you on your storybook’s style and format. I like the color schemes are just black and gray. It really makes the images you included really pop out and stand out. It makes everything look clean and well-polished, which I really appreciate. A lot of times people would like to put in crazy designs. This can be distracting and to be honest a little annoying. Enough about that, let’s talk about your story. I really liked your story because of how simple it was. Even though it was simple it kept my attention throughout the entire story. I wanted to finish the story so that I could find out how Dashagriva got his revenge on his bullies. Good job Aakash! I look forward to reading more your posts!
Aakash, your story was wild. Also dark. I did not expect the end at all, and was a little bit terrified by just how happy Dashagriva was after the kids were found dead. Dark though it was, it was perfectly themed for Halloween! Your story flowed really well, and I appreciated the simplicity of your writing. I'm one to often add a lot of prose that can be edited out, or plot twists that might not be completely necessary, so reading your story with just that one important open-ended detail at the end was really great. One thing I have to mention- when I read the phrase 'several black eyes,' I laughed, because I had temporarily forgotten that Dashagriva had ten heads, so the image of someone managing to acquire more than two black eyes at a time was amusing. Your design is also easy on the eyes, which is great for reading on computers!
Said it last week, gonna say it again. Your story was wild. And dark with a capital D. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. Your writing is great, though one thing I'm a little lost on is the setting, exactly. Last week it seemed like everything was in a little more modern setting, but this week it seems like you've stuck with the original setting given by the epics. It's a minor detail, but it definitely makes a difference to your reader! Although, going from your introduction post, it's fairly clear when we are. If anything, your story has given real, concrete details as to just how awful and evil Ravana is. I was always a little confused on exactly what he had done in the Ramayana to make everyone hate him, except for the fact that he was just the bad guy. Often times bad guys are just implied to be bad, and we're not really given reasons why. At this point, I'm rooting for anyone but Ravana. Great work, keep it up!
Good introduction I think it will grab the reader’s attention because it grabbed mine. The paragraphs were split well and it led to the introduction being easy to read. The text in and of itself was easy to read because of the font choice, background, and font color. The word choice may need to be tweaked because in the second paragraph Ravana is portrayed both as a great leader and an oppressive all at the same time. If that is what you intended to mean perhaps you could expand on it. This story is good as well. Again with this story I feel that some of the word choices are not quite clear as they could be. In your story you said that Dashagriva was excelling at everything, but after the library fight you said he became more excellent maybe you could make clear that he only did well at academic ventures. I am also confused when this story is taking place. Again I feel that the overall formatting was excellent. Your image looked good and the link to the source worked as intended.
Awesome Storybook! Since this was my first time visiting your storybook I only read the Introduction, but I think it looks great just from that. I think you do a really good job of grabbing the readers attention. Telling the story near a campfire makes a really good setting that puts the reader in a place that makes them want to keep reading. I particularly like how you added the part about the story teller grabbing his glass of oolong tea. While I don't know what that is, it at a sense if authenticity to the story. I like the aesthetics of the storybook itself too. The dark colors reminds me of night time sitting by a fire. Great job, I look forward to reading more of your stories.
This week I am reviewing your storybook project, including your coverpage, introduction, story 1 and story 2. I think you did an excellent job choosing your image for your coverpage. Your coverpage image reiterates that your stories will be about Ravana and I think this particular image is great. The introduction image you used is actually really cool. Almost mysterious. I like how this story begins warmly with the Rakshasa sitting and pondering about Ravana. Good start to the story. I like how you have used your introduction space to explain Ravana’s backstory. I loved how our storyteller ties into the story of Ravana. I thought you did an excellent job on your storybook story 1. I loved the ending of this story. It was a little dark and gloomy, with dead students and all, but I think it ended up really working for your storybook story! In storybook 2 you also did an excellent job incorporating the introduction speaker and the birth of Ravana. I think you have done an excellent job with your storybook project overall. Good Job.
Hi Akash, I am commenting in regards to your storybook, “The Story of Ravana”. I am so glad you used oolong tea as his favorite drink! (I used to be obsessed with Teavana oolong tea). Btw, I really liked the picture on your main page. This story provide as a view of Ravana’s life outside of Rama and Ravana war. That was creative. I noticed a small mistake instead of and “sweet granddaughter Surpanaka”, you just used “an”. I enjoyed reading your storybook. Your story made me feel bad for Ravana and his grandfather. After all, by the end of Ramayana we all realized that Rama was not really the best person. I like how you made Ravana a human nature. I was glad that Ravana responded to his bulling instead of taking it all in. However, I didn’t want him to fight them, I wish he would have went to his teacher about the bullying. Over all, I enjoyed reading your story and liked how you told the story favoring Ravana. ( Your rabbit is super cute and adorable )
I enjoyed reading your storybook. I like the black background you chose for your storybook as it suites your story well. I also like the picture you used as the cover page and thought it was a really good pick of your storybook. Before I started reading your introduction, I expected the story to be told from Ravana's point of view but after i started reading I figured out that it was told from his grandfathers perspective, which I thought was interesting. The introduction caught my attention. Your stories are well written and simple to follow. Ravana is a character I don't know much about. The stories about him that you have included are interesting and I look forward to reading more about him through your storybook.
Nice Work! I thought that the perspective of Ravana’s grandfather was unique. It is strange that I never really think about these characters having family outside of the stories, but it is probably true! The first story was a little terrifying. Did the grandson kill all those boys?? And was the grandfather happy about it?! I guess I am forgetting this is written by a rakshasa. I guess good for him for standing up for himself. I felt as if the first paragraph in your introduction was sort of strange. You mention “thousands of years” more than once. I would perhaps say something like. “Deep within the winter forests of Lanka, there lay a cottage that has been there for thousands of years, and for that whole time it was known to be the home of a rakshasa.” Other than that, there were only a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that really changed the story in any way.
Hey Aakash! This was my first time reading your storybook so far but I have to say, I find the topic you picked to be very interesting. I absolutely love the idea of writing a story about Ravana and seeing how the events of the Ramayana played out from his point of view. I especially like that the story isn’t told by Ravana himself, but by his grandfather. This third person point of view allows even more insight from the reader as he explains Ravana’s family life and early years as a child. I would like to learn more about his childhood and the way he interacted with other students and children his age. I also think it was a good introduction to start the story with an old rakshasa living as a hermit in the forests outside of Lanka, sipping on his tea as he reminisces about his beloved grandson. There were a few spelling/grammatical errors in the introduction that need some fixing but other than that it was well written. Great job, can’t wait to read more!
Hello Aakash, This week I am re-reviewing your storybook project, including your coverpage, introduction, story 1 and story 2. Looking back over your project I think you have done an excellent job with you storybook project. I think you did a good job choosing your image for your coverpage. Your coverpage image reiterates that your stories will be about Ravana and I think this particular image is great. The introduction image you used is actually really cool. Almost mysterious. I like how this story begins warmly with the Rakshasa sitting and pondering about Ravana. Good start to the story. I like how you have used your introduction space to explain Ravana’s backstory. I loved how our storyteller ties into the story of Ravana. I thought you did an excellent job on your storybook story 1. I loved the ending of this story. It was a little dark and gloomy, with dead students and all, but I think it ended up really working for your storybook story! In storybook two you also did an excellent job incorporating the introduction speaker and the birth of Ravana. You did an excellent job sticking to the original story in the first part of your writing. I think you have done an excellent job with your storybook project overall.
Hi Akash! Your storybook was one of the first I read earlier this semester, so when we were given this week's assignment of revisiting some of the projects we've read in the past, I thought it would be fun to see how some of the earlier ones I looked at have turned out! Last time I just had a chance to read your introduction, which was great. It definitely captured my attention and made me want to come back and read more. This time I read your first story, and I have to say I thought it was great. Although it was a little dark, it was so different than other stories I've read. I like how you totally surprised me with the ending. It was such a crazy plot line I was sitting there wondering what on earth was going to happen next. I think that's a great characteristic to have in your writing. You definitely kept me on my toes! I am hoping next week I'll have a chance to come back and read the rest of your storybook. It looks like it has really come together. Great work!
Hi Akash, I am commenting in response to your story “The Birth of Ravana” in your storybook The Story of Ravana. Like I have mentioned before, I like how you are telling the story from Ravana’s grandfather’s view. It is giving the audience a different perspective of Ravana. I like you writing style too. It is simple so the readers can understand it easily. I can see how much hope Ravana’s grandfather has in him. He believes that he is the one who can get Lanka back. If you can use some other word than cockier, it will be better fit to your story. Ravana indeed has a short temper. He cut off the prophet’s head just like that. I cannot believe he did that and his grandfather was still on his side. Good story overall. I cannot wait for the next story. Good luck.
Hi Aakash! I read the third story you added this week, Lanka Reclaimed, and thought it was really good. In this story, you revealed Ravana's dark side and I kind of expected it because of the previous story of his childhood and how he struggled with bullies. That experience motivated him to be the best at everything and when he was older he craved for power that lead him into a dark path. Initially, I thought Ravana was just a bad guy and was unaware of the events in his life that caused him to be that way. I like how you are telling his story from his grandfather's point of view. I feel as if I am reading his grandfather's diary. Also, this story reminded me of the movie 300 especially with the dark theme you have going on and the details of the war. Your story was informative and well written. I noticed that in the author's note, in the second sentence you said "begans" which I think you meant to say "begins". Overall, great job! I will be looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Birth of Ravana: Greetings! I like the contrasting colors of your page, I think that it adds to the ominous feeling that the story of Ravana gives off. It looks like you are getting close to the limit as far as word count goes, but perhaps if you were to explain why he was cutting off his heads it would be beneficial. I like how you added some logic to this story. Often times I feel that stories lack good sound basic logic when developing the plot. I really like how you told the portion of the story about his attempted rape in detail. It is vital to the story as a whole and I don’t think the story I read first included it. The formatting to the story looks good and the paragraph lengths were good. I think the transitions were good between the paragraphs. I like the spin you put on the story because it allows for character development.
This is Lanka: The Final Battle: The story was given an interesting dynamic with it because of the narrator. I liked how the narrator was King Ravana’s grandfather and how that even though he was a rakshasa he did not seem to be an evil person but a person concerned about his family and Lanka. The relationship of Ravana and his family was something that was explored in this story and it was interesting how the relationship of the family determined what that Ravana was going to do. The ending of the story with the grandfather reminiscing about Ravana was an interesting addition to the story. It provided a nice prospective to what the grandfather thought about Ravana and how he was still proud of him even though he had so many flaws. The structure of the story was also nice. The spacing of the paragraphs made it easy to read. The story did not contain any glaring spelling or grammar errors.
Hi Aakash! I just wanted to say thank you for reading my blog this semester and giving me so much feedback! You definitely helped me improve my writing. And you provided me with entertaining feedback as well! I think it's funny how we met this semester after knowing of each other for so long, and ended up in the same online class! Anyways, good luck with the rest of your semester! :)
Hi Aakash! I think this is my first time viewing your Storybook! I am doing so for my extra credit option for this week! I picked your Storybook because I thought it was interesting that you chose to write about Ravana. Your Storybook website is pretty cool, but dark and creepy! That picture on your cover page though! It does a great job depicting Ravana, however! Your Introduction was very well written, clear, and concise with just enough detail! It provided a great background on what your stories are going to be about. The image you chose for your Introduction was a great depiction of your Storybook as well. I like how Ravana’s grandfather was giving his perspective on Ravana’s life. Your first story was also very well written and detailed! Your Author’s Note was a good, detailed description of the original story and your changes! Good job on everything so far!
I am quite surprised to realize this is the first time that I am reading your storybook. Since I had not read any of it before, I decided to read the introduction and the first two stories, Dashagriva's Childhood and The Birth of Ravana. I really enjoyed your storybook. I liked how you tried to show that Ravana started off not very bad but he gradually became evil. I also really liked how you told this story from the perspective of the grandfather. A grandfather that apparently loved Ravana very much and felt like he had an excuse of why he was not very good. I think it was a unique way of telling the story because it is told from someone who genuinely cared about Ravana. Your author's notes were very informative and helped me to see how your story varied from the original and why you made the changes that you did. Overall, I really enjoyed your storybook.
I really like your storybook! I am glad that I got a chance to read your final story to wrap up the semester. Your story flowed really well and I could see that you took some liberties and changed the story. In the version I read Surpanakha did not inform Ravana about her desire for Rama rather she just seduced him with Sita’s beauty. I like your version in light of your storybook because it still makes Ravana out to be innocent or at least less guilty. I think that the reader can feel his pain as he watched everything that Ravana had created fall at the hands of Rama. I think that Ravana definitely went out “like a boss.” The paragraphs got a little choppy towards the middle but it still flowed well because of the battle. I thought I found a typo, but when I went back to find it a second time it disappeared. Good job!
Lanka Reclaimed I liked this adaption of the story of Rama. The story was focused on the interactions of Ravana very well. I like how the Ravana was built up as a character. By showing the character of Ravana at this stage of the story, it prevents the reader from sympathizing with him. I also liked how ruthless Ravana was made. It made the story more believable with what the future holds for him. The goal of portraying him as a power hungry king and warrior was definitely fulfilled. This was portrayed well when Kubera was kill by Ravana and then he slaughtered everyone in the city. It was sad though that he ignored his grandfather. I also like in the story how the text was broken up. The text flowed very well and the paragraph breaks were well timed in that regard. In addition, there were no grammar or spelling mistakes that I noticed in the text.
Hey Aakash!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook. I liked how it was formatted. For instance I liked how the background was black and dark. It made the first picture on your storybook really standout because it was colorful so it contrasted with the background very well. It made the picture in the introduction stand out as well.
The style of your writing was very concise. It was not too wordy or anything, which I really appreciate because sometimes when stories or any form of writing is too wordy it can lose the reader’s interest. The breaks for your paragraphs made sense. The transitions between each paragraph helped to the make the story flow very smoothly. I did not notice any grammar or punctuation errors or anything.
Your introduction was very informative. I felt like I have an idea of what your storybook is going to be about. Good job! I look forward to reading more from you story book!
This will be a storybook that I bookmark. I was wondering about what it would look like from Ravana's point of view while reading. I really love what your decision was on that writing about the turning points. The layout of your storybook is also clean and easy to read. A suggestion I would make would be revisiting the beginning. It took me a bit to understand what the setting was of the narrator and story. Once, I had a grasp for that though I was hooked in wanting to see another side of the story. The stories and backgrounds of the rakshasas is an interesting one. I'd love to see you go deeper to into some of the demons closely related to Ravana! This will be fun and interesting too to see what exactly you see as turning points of his life. Also, how you use stories to tie this all together.
ReplyDeleteMy first impression of your page is neat. The dark theme makes me relax, and your page layout is the original one. It is good enough for a reader. The two pictures are both Ravana’s portray; I think you could use a picture of Lanka City instead. Your font choice is great, but your font size is a little small for me to read. I am not sure if everyone has the same feeling. You could try the 12 pt. font size instead. Your title is also nice because everybody knows Ravana but not everybody knows his detailed story. In the PDE Ramayana I read, I did not get very rich information about Ravana. As a result, I could learn more about him. To my knowledge, Ravana is not necessarily a bad guy. He did not do anything bad other than kidnapping Sita, and his country is rich and happy under his rules.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely come back for more. I somehow like Ravana’s characteristics.
Hi Aakash! Your storybook page has a vibe that goes well with the overall theme of your story. I'm sure as the semester progresses and you add to it, it will end up being great! Your introduction was intriguing, to say the least. It is true in the Ramayana, we really didn't get much of a background other than the fact that Ravana had a sister and he ruled over his city, and had several wives. Also, of course what we already all know, which is he is Rama's greatest rival, for he stole his beloved. Making Ravana's grandfather a storyteller, and him diving into Ravana's past from his point of view could prove to be interesting. Almost like Maleficent. From the original Disney move Sleeping Beauty we saw a sort of, biased, if you will look at the film's main antagonist/villain, and from another point of view we could almost sympathize with her once the story was told from her side. I will be bookmarking your page and keep checking for updates. Most definitely interesting in the rest of your project! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Aakash! So far, it seems like you are going to have a really solid storybook. Your introduction was clear and concise. You did a good job with getting my attention at the beginning. I love descriptive writing like yours because it makes it easy to picture in your head exactly what's going on, which is what I love about reading. I like the color scheme you are going with. The black background will make your pictures stand out, and will go with your sort of dramatic theme. Good work so far! This makes me wish I would have taken the time to sit down and figure out a storybook rather than just a portfolio. I look forward to reading your stories throughout the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon Aakash!
ReplyDeleteI'm commenting on your storybook introduction as my free choice. I decided to look into your story book because I'm always curious to hear the evil villain's perspective. The way you formatted your introduction was spectacular. It was clear and concise. I like how you made Ravana's grandfather write a biography on Ravana's life. He seems really melancholic about the path Ravana took. Does he blame himself for the lack of guidance? I don't think it was his fault. Also, I wasn't aware that Rama cut off Surpanakha's nose! That makes me like Rama even less... The way you portray Ravana makes me question whether Ravana was actually the villain. According to your introduction, there were some turning points in Ravana's life that corrupted him to be a power-hungry leader. I wonder what experiences Ravana went through to become so lost. I'm really interested to read more about Ravana and his grandfather. Keep up the good work!
Hey Aakash!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! It was really entertaining and interesting. Before I get into more detail of your story. I would like to compliment you on your storybook’s style and format. I like the color schemes are just black and gray. It really makes the images you included really pop out and stand out. It makes everything look clean and well-polished, which I really appreciate. A lot of times people would like to put in crazy designs. This can be distracting and to be honest a little annoying. Enough about that, let’s talk about your story. I really liked your story because of how simple it was. Even though it was simple it kept my attention throughout the entire story. I wanted to finish the story so that I could find out how Dashagriva got his revenge on his bullies. Good job Aakash! I look forward to reading more your posts!
Aakash, your story was wild. Also dark. I did not expect the end at all, and was a little bit terrified by just how happy Dashagriva was after the kids were found dead. Dark though it was, it was perfectly themed for Halloween! Your story flowed really well, and I appreciated the simplicity of your writing. I'm one to often add a lot of prose that can be edited out, or plot twists that might not be completely necessary, so reading your story with just that one important open-ended detail at the end was really great. One thing I have to mention- when I read the phrase 'several black eyes,' I laughed, because I had temporarily forgotten that Dashagriva had ten heads, so the image of someone managing to acquire more than two black eyes at a time was amusing. Your design is also easy on the eyes, which is great for reading on computers!
ReplyDeleteSaid it last week, gonna say it again. Your story was wild. And dark with a capital D. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. Your writing is great, though one thing I'm a little lost on is the setting, exactly. Last week it seemed like everything was in a little more modern setting, but this week it seems like you've stuck with the original setting given by the epics. It's a minor detail, but it definitely makes a difference to your reader! Although, going from your introduction post, it's fairly clear when we are. If anything, your story has given real, concrete details as to just how awful and evil Ravana is. I was always a little confused on exactly what he had done in the Ramayana to make everyone hate him, except for the fact that he was just the bad guy. Often times bad guys are just implied to be bad, and we're not really given reasons why. At this point, I'm rooting for anyone but Ravana. Great work, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteGood introduction I think it will grab the reader’s attention because it grabbed mine. The paragraphs were split well and it led to the introduction being easy to read. The text in and of itself was easy to read because of the font choice, background, and font color. The word choice may need to be tweaked because in the second paragraph Ravana is portrayed both as a great leader and an oppressive all at the same time. If that is what you intended to mean perhaps you could expand on it.
ReplyDeleteThis story is good as well. Again with this story I feel that some of the word choices are not quite clear as they could be. In your story you said that Dashagriva was excelling at everything, but after the library fight you said he became more excellent maybe you could make clear that he only did well at academic ventures. I am also confused when this story is taking place. Again I feel that the overall formatting was excellent. Your image looked good and the link to the source worked as intended.
Awesome Storybook! Since this was my first time visiting your storybook I only read the Introduction, but I think it looks great just from that. I think you do a really good job of grabbing the readers attention. Telling the story near a campfire makes a really good setting that puts the reader in a place that makes them want to keep reading. I particularly like how you added the part about the story teller grabbing his glass of oolong tea. While I don't know what that is, it at a sense if authenticity to the story. I like the aesthetics of the storybook itself too. The dark colors reminds me of night time sitting by a fire. Great job, I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteThis week I am reviewing your storybook project, including your coverpage, introduction, story 1 and story 2. I think you did an excellent job choosing your image for your coverpage. Your coverpage image reiterates that your stories will be about Ravana and I think this particular image is great. The introduction image you used is actually really cool. Almost mysterious. I like how this story begins warmly with the Rakshasa sitting and pondering about Ravana. Good start to the story. I like how you have used your introduction space to explain Ravana’s backstory. I loved how our storyteller ties into the story of Ravana. I thought you did an excellent job on your storybook story 1. I loved the ending of this story. It was a little dark and gloomy, with dead students and all, but I think it ended up really working for your storybook story! In storybook 2 you also did an excellent job incorporating the introduction speaker and the birth of Ravana. I think you have done an excellent job with your storybook project overall. Good Job.
ReplyDeleteHi Akash,
ReplyDeleteI am commenting in regards to your storybook, “The Story of Ravana”. I am so glad you used oolong tea as his favorite drink! (I used to be obsessed with Teavana oolong tea). Btw, I really liked the picture on your main page. This story provide as a view of Ravana’s life outside of Rama and Ravana war. That was creative. I noticed a small mistake instead of and “sweet granddaughter Surpanaka”, you just used “an”. I enjoyed reading your storybook. Your story made me feel bad for Ravana and his grandfather. After all, by the end of Ramayana we all realized that Rama was not really the best person. I like how you made Ravana a human nature. I was glad that Ravana responded to his bulling instead of taking it all in. However, I didn’t want him to fight them, I wish he would have went to his teacher about the bullying. Over all, I enjoyed reading your story and liked how you told the story favoring Ravana. ( Your rabbit is super cute and adorable )
Hi Aakash,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your storybook. I like the black background you chose for your storybook as it suites your story well. I also like the picture you used as the cover page and thought it was a really good pick of your storybook. Before I started reading your introduction, I expected the story to be told from Ravana's point of view but after i started reading I figured out that it was told from his grandfathers perspective, which I thought was interesting. The introduction caught my attention. Your stories are well written and simple to follow. Ravana is a character I don't know much about. The stories about him that you have included are interesting and I look forward to reading more about him through your storybook.
Nice Work!
ReplyDeleteI thought that the perspective of Ravana’s grandfather was unique. It is strange that I never really think about these characters having family outside of the stories, but it is probably true! The first story was a little terrifying. Did the grandson kill all those boys?? And was the grandfather happy about it?! I guess I am forgetting this is written by a rakshasa. I guess good for him for standing up for himself.
I felt as if the first paragraph in your introduction was sort of strange. You mention “thousands of years” more than once. I would perhaps say something like. “Deep within the winter forests of Lanka, there lay a cottage that has been there for thousands of years, and for that whole time it was known to be the home of a rakshasa.” Other than that, there were only a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that really changed the story in any way.
Hey Aakash! This was my first time reading your storybook so far but I have to say, I find the topic you picked to be very interesting. I absolutely love the idea of writing a story about Ravana and seeing how the events of the Ramayana played out from his point of view. I especially like that the story isn’t told by Ravana himself, but by his grandfather. This third person point of view allows even more insight from the reader as he explains Ravana’s family life and early years as a child. I would like to learn more about his childhood and the way he interacted with other students and children his age. I also think it was a good introduction to start the story with an old rakshasa living as a hermit in the forests outside of Lanka, sipping on his tea as he reminisces about his beloved grandson. There were a few spelling/grammatical errors in the introduction that need some fixing but other than that it was well written. Great job, can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHello Aakash, This week I am re-reviewing your storybook project, including your coverpage, introduction, story 1 and story 2. Looking back over your project I think you have done an excellent job with you storybook project. I think you did a good job choosing your image for your coverpage. Your coverpage image reiterates that your stories will be about Ravana and I think this particular image is great. The introduction image you used is actually really cool. Almost mysterious. I like how this story begins warmly with the Rakshasa sitting and pondering about Ravana. Good start to the story. I like how you have used your introduction space to explain Ravana’s backstory. I loved how our storyteller ties into the story of Ravana. I thought you did an excellent job on your storybook story 1. I loved the ending of this story. It was a little dark and gloomy, with dead students and all, but I think it ended up really working for your storybook story! In storybook two you also did an excellent job incorporating the introduction speaker and the birth of Ravana. You did an excellent job sticking to the original story in the first part of your writing. I think you have done an excellent job with your storybook project overall.
ReplyDeleteHi Akash! Your storybook was one of the first I read earlier this semester, so when we were given this week's assignment of revisiting some of the projects we've read in the past, I thought it would be fun to see how some of the earlier ones I looked at have turned out! Last time I just had a chance to read your introduction, which was great. It definitely captured my attention and made me want to come back and read more. This time I read your first story, and I have to say I thought it was great. Although it was a little dark, it was so different than other stories I've read. I like how you totally surprised me with the ending. It was such a crazy plot line I was sitting there wondering what on earth was going to happen next. I think that's a great characteristic to have in your writing. You definitely kept me on my toes! I am hoping next week I'll have a chance to come back and read the rest of your storybook. It looks like it has really come together. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Akash,
ReplyDeleteI am commenting in response to your story “The Birth of Ravana” in your storybook The Story of Ravana. Like I have mentioned before, I like how you are telling the story from Ravana’s grandfather’s view. It is giving the audience a different perspective of Ravana. I like you writing style too. It is simple so the readers can understand it easily. I can see how much hope Ravana’s grandfather has in him. He believes that he is the one who can get Lanka back. If you can use some other word than cockier, it will be better fit to your story. Ravana indeed has a short temper. He cut off the prophet’s head just like that. I cannot believe he did that and his grandfather was still on his side. Good story overall. I cannot wait for the next story. Good luck.
Hi Aakash! I read the third story you added this week, Lanka Reclaimed, and thought it was really good. In this story, you revealed Ravana's dark side and I kind of expected it because of the previous story of his childhood and how he struggled with bullies. That experience motivated him to be the best at everything and when he was older he craved for power that lead him into a dark path. Initially, I thought Ravana was just a bad guy and was unaware of the events in his life that caused him to be that way. I like how you are telling his story from his grandfather's point of view. I feel as if I am reading his grandfather's diary. Also, this story reminded me of the movie 300 especially with the dark theme you have going on and the details of the war. Your story was informative and well written. I noticed that in the author's note, in the second sentence you said "begans" which I think you meant to say "begins". Overall, great job! I will be looking forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteBirth of Ravana: Greetings! I like the contrasting colors of your page, I think that it adds to the ominous feeling that the story of Ravana gives off. It looks like you are getting close to the limit as far as word count goes, but perhaps if you were to explain why he was cutting off his heads it would be beneficial. I like how you added some logic to this story. Often times I feel that stories lack good sound basic logic when developing the plot. I really like how you told the portion of the story about his attempted rape in detail. It is vital to the story as a whole and I don’t think the story I read first included it. The formatting to the story looks good and the paragraph lengths were good. I think the transitions were good between the paragraphs. I like the spin you put on the story because it allows for character development.
ReplyDeleteThis is Lanka: The Final Battle:
ReplyDeleteThe story was given an interesting dynamic with it because of the narrator. I liked how the narrator was King Ravana’s grandfather and how that even though he was a rakshasa he did not seem to be an evil person but a person concerned about his family and Lanka. The relationship of Ravana and his family was something that was explored in this story and it was interesting how the relationship of the family determined what that Ravana was going to do. The ending of the story with the grandfather reminiscing about Ravana was an interesting addition to the story. It provided a nice prospective to what the grandfather thought about Ravana and how he was still proud of him even though he had so many flaws. The structure of the story was also nice. The spacing of the paragraphs made it easy to read. The story did not contain any glaring spelling or grammar errors.
Hi Aakash! I just wanted to say thank you for reading my blog this semester and giving me so much feedback! You definitely helped me improve my writing. And you provided me with entertaining feedback as well! I think it's funny how we met this semester after knowing of each other for so long, and ended up in the same online class! Anyways, good luck with the rest of your semester! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Aakash! I think this is my first time viewing your Storybook! I am doing so for my extra credit option for this week! I picked your Storybook because I thought it was interesting that you chose to write about Ravana. Your Storybook website is pretty cool, but dark and creepy! That picture on your cover page though! It does a great job depicting Ravana, however! Your Introduction was very well written, clear, and concise with just enough detail! It provided a great background on what your stories are going to be about. The image you chose for your Introduction was a great depiction of your Storybook as well. I like how Ravana’s grandfather was giving his perspective on Ravana’s life. Your first story was also very well written and detailed! Your Author’s Note was a good, detailed description of the original story and your changes! Good job on everything so far!
ReplyDeleteI am quite surprised to realize this is the first time that I am reading your storybook. Since I had not read any of it before, I decided to read the introduction and the first two stories, Dashagriva's Childhood and The Birth of Ravana. I really enjoyed your storybook. I liked how you tried to show that Ravana started off not very bad but he gradually became evil. I also really liked how you told this story from the perspective of the grandfather. A grandfather that apparently loved Ravana very much and felt like he had an excuse of why he was not very good. I think it was a unique way of telling the story because it is told from someone who genuinely cared about Ravana. Your author's notes were very informative and helped me to see how your story varied from the original and why you made the changes that you did. Overall, I really enjoyed your storybook.
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook! I am glad that I got a chance to read your final story to wrap up the semester. Your story flowed really well and I could see that you took some liberties and changed the story. In the version I read Surpanakha did not inform Ravana about her desire for Rama rather she just seduced him with Sita’s beauty. I like your version in light of your storybook because it still makes Ravana out to be innocent or at least less guilty. I think that the reader can feel his pain as he watched everything that Ravana had created fall at the hands of Rama. I think that Ravana definitely went out “like a boss.” The paragraphs got a little choppy towards the middle but it still flowed well because of the battle. I thought I found a typo, but when I went back to find it a second time it disappeared. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLanka Reclaimed
ReplyDeleteI liked this adaption of the story of Rama. The story was focused on the interactions of Ravana very well. I like how the Ravana was built up as a character. By showing the character of Ravana at this stage of the story, it prevents the reader from sympathizing with him. I also liked how ruthless Ravana was made. It made the story more believable with what the future holds for him. The goal of portraying him as a power hungry king and warrior was definitely fulfilled. This was portrayed well when Kubera was kill by Ravana and then he slaughtered everyone in the city. It was sad though that he ignored his grandfather. I also like in the story how the text was broken up. The text flowed very well and the paragraph breaks were well timed in that regard. In addition, there were no grammar or spelling mistakes that I noticed in the text.